At the beginning of April I thought that I had come down with a bad chest/head cold. I was fatigued, congested, coughing and my lymph nodes were swollen. I knew that I had my Leona Divide 50 miler coming up in a couple of weeks but I felt so yucky that I cut back on my training.
Then the next week I cut back on it even more because I wasn't feeling much better. I wasn't as congested but I was so exhausted. No matter how much sleep I got and Vitamin C I took I could not shake the exhaustion. My lymph nodes were still swollen and I had a bit of a cough so I thought that it was still the chest/head cold. I even experienced a short episode of blurry vision but blew it off as an ocular migraine which I am prone to have. I didn't think anything of it.
I went to Leona Divide feeling weak and slightly undertrained but I figured that was all in my head. I still felt poorly the night before the race and the morning of the race. I was so tired. But once I toed the line I had made the decision to go forward with my attempt to run 50 miles. The farther I ran that day the better I seemed to feel. I could breath better, I was alert, and I was enjoying the company out there.
I made the time cutoffs and passed a lot of runners that day but in the afternoon, after 8 hours of running and climbing, the heat got the best of me. I had not had time to acclimate to running in it because I had cut back so much on my training those two weeks when I would have been out in the heat training.
I was spot on with my hydration. I never did become dehydrated or cramp. However, my core temperature was too high and I was experiencing an elevated heart rate, dizziness and blurry vision. Once that happened I knew that my race was over. I pulled out of the race and finished at 35 miles with a 50K "finish" although in my mind it is a DNF. I went there to run 50 miles, not 35 miles.
I know that I made the right decision. It is only my pride that would question that decision. So it is what it is. I will be back next year and will finish the 50 miles.
I was tired all of that following week and still had a cough but I figured I was just tired from running 35 miles, the heat had taxed me, and that I was still fighting my cold. That Thursday night I experienced a sudden onset of blurry vision and light sensitivity in my right eye. Except this time it wasn't going away.
That next morning my boss, who is an Ophthalmologist, examined my eye and found that I had anterior granuloma uveitis. In layman's terms, my immune system was attacking my eye and it was inflamed on the inside. It responded well to treatment but 3 days later my other eye became blurry and was light sensitive. Same thing.
That was a red flag to do blood work and a chest X-Ray to look for a systemic cause. After all was said and done the tests came back and thankfully Valley Fever was ruled out. However, everything is consistent with an autoimmune disease called Sarcoidosis. I had hoped that it would come back normal, but deep down inside I knew that something was wrong. I had been sick for a whole month and was not recovering like I normally would.
Sarcoidosis is an autoimmune disease that is thought to be triggered by an allergen, viral infection or chemical. When your body responds to fight the invading organisms it malfunctions and begins to develop granulomas on different organs. Most commonly in the lungs and the eyes. It is not curable but it is treatable. It can become chronic and attack many parts of your body. It can also go away on its own without causing significant problems.
When I first heard the results I was...sad and confused. Then I was mad.
"Why did this happen to me?!"
"I have a healthy lifestyle and take care of myself!"
"Did I cause this?!"
The truth is I didn't cause it. It is not something that I could have prevented. It is just something that happens and I happen to have certain characteristics that made it more likely. I was having a real pity party for myself that night. I thought about how it could end up taking my life and I would leave my son without a mom and my husband without a wife. I cried and cursed that night. I was scared.
I researched and read as much about it as I could that night. I set my alarm for 5:30am to go for a run in the morning. When I woke up I felt like a weight was on my chest. I debated staying in bed.
I made myself get up, dragged my feet and slowly headed out the door. I was going to go to my favorite trail. I knew that was something that I needed to do. The trails are my place to think and to process things. All of my thoughts were clouded and swirling around in my head and I needed clarity.
I arrived at the trail head, threw on my hydration pack, took a deep breath and made my way up the 3 mile climb to the top. I reached the top, sat down on the bench, ate my snack, took some pictures and just took in everything around me. The smells, the view, the wind blowing my hair...this was life. Life needed to go on. I needed to be strong for my boys.
By the time I began the descent back down to my car, I had made the decision to stop feeling sorry for myself and to be proactive. I felt more like myself than I had in weeks because now I had some answers about why I had been feeling sick. I could move forward and deal with it. I will face this head on and not live in fear. I will not be a victim. I choose life.
It has affected my lungs which is scary because I am a runner. My running is my how I maintain my sanity. Good news is that it is recommended that I exercise at least 5 days a week and eat a healthy diet high in fruits and veggies. I can do that!!!!
I am now focused on my training for my 100 miler coming up in September. I started training under my running coach, James Bonnett, this past week and have begun running consistently again which was something I had not done for a month. I already feel better. This is a bump in the road. I will face this head on and motor on...
I am not telling you this because I want you to feel sorry for me. In fact, please don't. I am telling my story in hopes that it will encourage my family and friends to see a doctor if something doesn't feel right in your body. I jumped on it as soon as I realized something really was wrong with my eye. If I had waited I could have gone blind. Thankfully my boss is an amazing physician and he looked into it further instead of blowing it off. Thank you to my friends and family who encouraged and supported me 2 weeks ago when I was trying to figure out what was going on.
Take care of yourself and surround yourself with positive people.
And so that is that...moving forward.
